Monday, 8 August 2016

To the women struggling with childlessness ... You are normal!

A little while ago I wrote a very personal blog about my experience with infertility and some of the issues surrounding it (If you haven't read it, take a look here: Motherhood challenge) I was absolutely blown away by the response to it. I received emails, texts and letters from people all over the world offering encouragement, sharing stories and asking advice. It was a very vulnerable place to be in, knowing everyone knew very personal details of my life and marriage, and it was definitely one of those 'shelter in the wings of God' moments, as, at times, it was very uncomfortable. However it highlighted to me that it was a topic often not spoken about, and over the past couple of days I have felt God calling me to share once again a few thoughts on this topic......So here it goes! 

You are not abnormal!

This is my biggest struggle as a christian woman tackling the minefield that is infertility. 
So many times I am led to feel that I am half a woman, less than perfect and a failure because of my lack of a child. 

As any of my facebook friends/instagram followers will know, I love social media! I love connecting with friends and family, I love meeting new people and I love using it as a platform to share about the difference God has made in my life. 


If I am truly honest, at least once a fortnight, I consider getting rid of it all! This is simply because it seems to start the internal discussion of 'Am I abnormal?' and 'Am I a failure?'

Some people who know my more eccentric side are probably at this point shouting "Yes you are abnormal!!!!" But bear with me...

You see social media is always full of pregnancy and birth announcements, (today there has already been two!) generic mum/dad challenges etc etc... and that's not even mentioning general "My kid's are the best" posts or even "my kid's are the worst" posts!

All of these are beautiful, beautiful things, and we should celebrate family, but on my weaker days, a voice in my head will tell me: "You can't even conceive a baby right, let alone give birth! Call yourself a woman, you can't do what every other woman in the world can!"

Some days it is SO SO HARD!

There are moments when the pain feels so bad that I literally struggle for breath! Sometimes all those feelings of hurt, grief, loneliness, self loathing and disappointment come pouring out as you see another tiny miracle born, and you wonder.... Will that ever be me?

This morning, if you are struggling with some of these feelings, let me tell you: 

I am normal! Life is sometimes very, very hard. The bible is full of people who found life hard. The bible tells the story of many women who felt this sense of emptiness, BUT, in every story of hurt and sorrow there is a picture of God walking alongside them, drawing them close, picking them back up, straightening their crown and reminding them that they are royalty! 

God promises in his word that he has good things for me and you. It may not be children (although I will still pray faithfully for a miracle) but it will be for my good and it will give me a hope and a future in something eternal. 

Sometimes this road can be lonely. For me, I tend to avoid those around me who are pregnant or having children as, quite honestly, it hurts! I don't want to feel jealous towards others because of what they have and I have found that there is a common misconception that, as a childless woman, I must 'want' the life of others. For me, I have an amazing hubby, a fruitful ministry and a fulfilling life. I don't want anyone else's situation,but I want a family of my own. However, by removing myself from nappy talk and baby showers I can save myself the pain...but that can be lonely.

But God is there! He will be your comfort and support. 
There are also lots of like minded christian women in support groups and on groups and pages all over facebook.... And there is me! I would love it if you shared your experience with me, or if I could pray for you.

But remember


Friday, 15 July 2016

The agony of Terror

I woke up this morning to the news of the terror attack in Nice in France with a very heavy heart. As I lay pondering the situation, I considered the recent stirring in my spirit about the things I see happening. You see, the attack in France was horrendous and with it comes the awakening of anger and sorrow


What about the other places where terroist attacks have happened? Not just to our Western ‘Friends’ but the absolute fear and devestation around the whole world. In those countries we may never even visit. Those incidents that the news doesn’t even bother to report!

A very quick google search brought a worrying result…
Sources told me that so far this MONTH, not including the recent terrorist attack in France. There have been nearly 80 ‘terrorist attacks’ in our world. (I’m not getting into the whole what is terrorism discussion, but you get the picture!)

As I scrolled through this list that represents hundreds of lives and families, I was horrified to see many of them I had never heard of.

This morning, on facebook, many people have changed their profile to show solidarity with France. As I considered this, I was reminded of a Christmas I used to sing in the singing company (Children’s choir) The words say:

“Remember the children of the world, each one is precious , precious in his sight!”

Today I will not change my photo, but I will remember. I will remember every child of God (and that is ALL of us) that have lost their lives in acts of terror.

We live in a broken world. We all groan in agony at the things we see happening. As Romans 8:22-23 says:

“For we know that all creation groans in unison with birthing pains up until now. And there is more; it’s not just creation—all of us are groaning together too. Though we have already tasted the firstfruits of the Spirit, we are longing for the total redemption of our bodies that comes when our adoption as children of God is complete

This morning, my prayer is this song and this plea…”Come into our world Lord Jesus”

Sunday, 3 July 2016

Exciting times!

Just over a year ago, after a lot of prompting from God, and a lot of support from my husband, I began writing a blog. I was coming into a new season, a season of ministry and I wanted to share my journey and experiences with those around me.

In this time a song had been resounding in my heart. It was a song that had been with me through some pretty dark days, but now, as I faced a new calling, it took on a new meaning.

I prayer this prayer with my whole heart, and over the past year Ephesians 3:20 has proven true

God has led me to a place which is amazing, rewarding, blessed, scary and tough all at once! I have learnt so much;

God has taken my passion for writing and has turned it into a ministry I never thought possible.

God has taken my passion for creativity and taken me deeper and deeper into the word through it.

God has taken my passion for people and put me into a place where I have the privilege of telling them about the life giving love of Jesus every day!

But also

God has taken my hurt and insecurities and used it to comfort others.

God has taken the scary and difficult times and used it to show me that I serve a powerful God.

God has taken my time of sorrow and used it to show me that he is a God of comfort.

God has shown me so much in the past year and I am so thankful for the blessings he has showered on me.
At this time of great opportunity in the Salvation Army, and a time of great excitement in my own ministry, I think this plaque I bought this week seems to sum it up well!

I cannot wait to see in a year’s time, what awesome things God has done!

Friday, 17 June 2016

Waiting on God

As many of you know I write devotionals monthly for  and and I recently wrote this devotional. I really felt this morning someone needed to read this x x x

God’s word promises us that he will give us the desires of our hearts if we live a life sold out to him…but he doesn’t say when!

I remember when all my friends started to find long term relationships and get married. It was a really difficult time. The desire of my heart was to be a wife and a mum, but I couldn’t see how God was going to do it! I blamed myself for the long wait…I thought I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, funny enough!

But then I came to a realisation, a God given realisation. God asked me what I was focusing on; my desires or God. You see, we have to be focused on the right things. We must choose to fix our eyes on Jesus and continue to run the race. It is only in focusing on him, through the waiting, that we receive the things we desire and understand they come from him.

You are not alone! 

In the bible we see so many stories of people who lived a life sold out for God and waited to receive the things they desired. Sarah waited for a child, Joseph waited to be released from prison, Moses waited for his life to really start, Ruth waited to be happy again, Hannah waited for her promised child, and the list goes on and on!

I don’t know what you are waiting for today, but I do know that when we chose to fix our eyes on Jesus, the wait is a real adventure, and God will give you the desires of your heart in a way that knocks your socks off!

God gave me my desire for a husband after a long wait (and he was so worth the wait!) but God used that time to prepare me and help me be the best wife I can be. I am still waiting to be a mother and now I see the friends who found love when I was single now have babies, but I am assured that if I fix my eyes on Jesus he WILL give me the desires of my heart and it will be worth the wait!

Tuesday, 7 June 2016

Dream Big!

I am in such a blessed position! My husband and I are the commanding officers (pastors) of a wonderful church and community outreach, and the people are gorgeous!! In our short year in leadership in this place we have seen God moving in a really powerful way;

We have seen people coming to Christ,
We have seen people touched with the Holy Spirit,
We have seen people blossoming and flourishing before our eyes,
We have seen prayers answered in a powerful way,
We have seen God provide for our needs,
We have seen more and more people who are lost and desperate come through our doors



Recently at a conference I was challenged to dream big! To lay aside things that hold us back and press on to the goal.

You see it is so easy to get bogged down in the day to day flow of life. It is easy for the little things to become the big things, and then the big things seem to fade away. The devil doesn't play fair! He always plays dirty. 


Today I am dreaming big. I am already praying for our new premises when ours becomes too small. I am seeing people sat in every seat on a Sunday, the mercy seat worn by repentant sinners. I am seeing healings and miracles in Jesus name and I am clinging to and praying over the words or wisdom and prophecy spoken over our corps in recent days! 

People have seen a resurrection church forming, they see a harvest ripe reaping and a revival sweeping across our town with us at the front with our flag flying high! 

Oh I am dreaming Big!

Why don't you dream big too today? 

Thursday, 5 May 2016

Finding your Bethel - Your place of Prayer

The English novelist Iris Murdoch once said “Prayer” is the most essential of all human activities” and I must say that this is so true. In the past few months I have really tried to focus on creating a regular rhythm of prayer in my life and I have seen just how essential prayer is to every moment of my day.

Around 9 months ago I attended a spiritual day for Salvation Army officers and envoys in the North West, led by Majors Mel and Kath Jones. In the afternoon we had the opportunity to pray and reflect. One of the prayer stations was on the Stone Pillar of Jacob. It talked about Genesis 28 when Jacob sees the ladder to heaven. When he awakes he says: ‘Surely the Lord is in this place’ and calls is Bethel which means ‘The house of God.’ We were encouraged to consider where our own Bethel is. In our booklet there was also a quote from Henry Nouwen about finding a place of prayer which has been on my mind ever since it says:

“As Jesus invites us, we need to find that private place for prayer. The more you pray in such a place, the more the place will be filled with the energy of prayer.”

A few months later Paul and I decided to watch a film called ‘War room’ which I had been told about by a few friends. If you haven’t seen it before… YOU MUST! It is seriously a life changing film! The film talks about the need for a place of prayer, a War room, where you can battle with the enemy and strategically pray into situations.

After watching the film, at 5 the next morning, I cleared out the cupboard under the stairs and made my very own war room.

Every morning at 6 am I shut the door to the world and spend time with the Lord. It has been a place I have laughed, cried, sang, shouted, worshipped, dreamed and battled. It is my own private place of prayer where I can take it all to the Lord. A place to journal, create and simply be. It is nothing fancy but it is truly awesome because it is where I meet with the maker of heaven and Earth!

In the film, War room, a man enters one of character’s war room, which happens to be a walk in closet. It is now empty, no sign of what it once had been, and as he walks out, he comments that it must have been a place of prayer as he feels it. This reminded me of the writing of Nouwen.

Every day as I enter my prayer space I feel God, I feel it in my soul that this is a place of prayer;

My very own Bethel.

So this morning, I encourage you, find that place. Take a hold of the essential nature of prayer, find your war room, and as you regularly spend time there, you will see the place be filled with the energy of prayer. 

Monday, 18 April 2016

Worship in spirit and in truth

As I stood worshipping in our Sunday service yesterday I had a vision from God. The building of the Salvation Army in Mold is very unique. We have a charity shop and coffee shop on the ground floor and our worship hall is on the first floor. Through the week we have various acts of worship in the coffee shop and our hall is used for Sunday worship

As I sang ‘What a faithful God have I,’ God gave me a picture. It was a picture of the white walls in the worship hall. As we corporately worshipped together, it was like someone was pouring red paint over the walls. It started at the very top corner of the hall and seeped down the walls. The more we worshipped, the further the paint trickled down. It didn’t just stop at the floor of the worship hall but down to the walls of the shop and the coffee shop.

The more we worship him, the further the blood of Jesus will spread into everything we are and everything we do. So let’s worship God today in spirit and in truth.