A little while ago I wrote a very personal blog about my experience with infertility and some of the issues surrounding it (If you haven't read it, take a look here: Motherhood challenge) I was absolutely blown away by the response to it. I received emails, texts and letters from people all over the world offering encouragement, sharing stories and asking advice. It was a very vulnerable place to be in, knowing everyone knew very personal details of my life and marriage, and it was definitely one of those 'shelter in the wings of God' moments, as, at times, it was very uncomfortable. However it highlighted to me that it was a topic often not spoken about, and over the past couple of days I have felt God calling me to share once again a few thoughts on this topic......So here it goes!
You are not abnormal!
This is my biggest struggle as a christian woman tackling the minefield that is infertility.
So many times I am led to feel that I am half a woman, less than perfect and a failure because of my lack of a child.
As any of my facebook friends/instagram followers will know, I love social media! I love connecting with friends and family, I love meeting new people and I love using it as a platform to share about the difference God has made in my life.
If I am truly honest, at least once a fortnight, I consider getting rid of it all! This is simply because it seems to start the internal discussion of 'Am I abnormal?' and 'Am I a failure?'
Some people who know my more eccentric side are probably at this point shouting "Yes you are abnormal!!!!" But bear with me...
You see social media is always full of pregnancy and birth announcements, (today there has already been two!) generic mum/dad challenges etc etc... and that's not even mentioning general "My kid's are the best" posts or even "my kid's are the worst" posts!
All of these are beautiful, beautiful things, and we should celebrate family, but on my weaker days, a voice in my head will tell me: "You can't even conceive a baby right, let alone give birth! Call yourself a woman, you can't do what every other woman in the world can!"
Some days it is SO SO HARD!
There are moments when the pain feels so bad that I literally struggle for breath! Sometimes all those feelings of hurt, grief, loneliness, self loathing and disappointment come pouring out as you see another tiny miracle born, and you wonder.... Will that ever be me?
This morning, if you are struggling with some of these feelings, let me tell you:
YOU ARE NORMAL!
I am normal! Life is sometimes very, very hard. The bible is full of people who found life hard. The bible tells the story of many women who felt this sense of emptiness, BUT, in every story of hurt and sorrow there is a picture of God walking alongside them, drawing them close, picking them back up, straightening their crown and reminding them that they are royalty!
ONLY GOD HAS THE ANSWER
God promises in his word that he has good things for me and you. It may not be children (although I will still pray faithfully for a miracle) but it will be for my good and it will give me a hope and a future in something eternal.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Sometimes this road can be lonely. For me, I tend to avoid those around me who are pregnant or having children as, quite honestly, it hurts! I don't want to feel jealous towards others because of what they have and I have found that there is a common misconception that, as a childless woman, I must 'want' the life of others. For me, I have an amazing hubby, a fruitful ministry and a fulfilling life. I don't want anyone else's situation,but I want a family of my own. However, by removing myself from nappy talk and baby showers I can save myself the pain...but that can be lonely.
But God is there! He will be your comfort and support.
There are also lots of like minded christian women in support groups and on groups and pages all over facebook.... And there is me! I would love it if you shared your experience with me, or if I could pray for you.
YOU ARE NORMAL!